I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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