Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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