I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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