People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize