Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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