He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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