I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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