ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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