I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize