Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize