I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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