no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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