If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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