What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
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Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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