Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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