If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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