C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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