Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize