So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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