Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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