my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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