if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize