Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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