Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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