I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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