she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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