He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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