went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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