Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize