Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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