Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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