now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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