my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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