I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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