I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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