Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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