he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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