All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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