I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize