Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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