I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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