does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
