He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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