i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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