If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize