so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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