he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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