I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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