Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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