shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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